The Confusion Continues

As I continue searching for an additional part time job-- or a full time job-- and as I continue to deal with the flood of suggestions/criticisms.... I have begun to struggle with a purpose.

Sure, I have interviewed at all these places, but I still only get 2-3 shifts a week. Some of these places just don't call me back or answer my calls when I call to check in...

Others flat out lie to me.

How do I know? Well, it's a rule of thumb to keep your story straight. For instance, in the interview if you tell me you are looking for someone "right out of college" that is moldable and fresh to learn a new way to do A and B.... don't tell me that you are looking for someone with more "hands-on experience". While that may not be a complete lie, it certainly doesn't encourage my confidence in your trustworthiness. How could I have hands-on-experience in the type of thing that your company does while in college-- and still be teachable and moldable?

I've had volunteer, employment, and educational experience in a field similar to yours, so that is really all I can give you...


But anyway.... my decision is to go back to graduate school. I can move out (YES!!!!!), get in the ideal career instead of the plan B career, and get back to doing something that makes sense.

So maybe this wave of confusion will pass soon? I certainly hope so. I feel at a loss for most of the things going on right now, personally and professionally. And no one else seems to understand that.

I cried over a Kit-Kat

This is a monumental day. I cried over a Kit-Kat. I cry all the time, so this shouldn't be a big deal to me. I cried in Frozen because the animation was "too beautiful." And yes, I have cried over a cup of coffee--because I believed it, too, was beautiful.

These are not unhappy tears, but rather, a sign that I am happy and involved in the daily aspects of my life. For me, tears are a good thing. They mean I'm appreciating the little things around me and I'm truly living.

If I didn't cry when I felt happy... people would actually wonder if I'm ok. That does not bother me anymore.

In other news, I'm working at a retail home furnishings store part time while I re-find my path! And spending practically every weekend with the boyfriend--because I jump into EVERYTHING 90 miles an hour. But that's me. I cry over Kit-Kats and I cry over flowers. It's totally normal!


--On a similar note, the crying while happy emoji is my personal favorite and I personally relate to "Kristen Bell's Sloth Meltdown"

Summer of Drama

Having decided not to return to grad school next semester, finishing up this last month of classes is incredibly difficult... But it is possible that I transfer a few credits so I'll keep on keeping on, I guess... Some days I wish I could just completely quit. Who am I kidding? Every day I wish I could just quit.

I've made so many friends in this short semester, so I really will miss them, but I will enjoy not paying so much for this education and the stress entailed! A job and the "real world" for a while will be nice. Time to be normal and take on whatever may come is really needed right now.

I deleted my Facebook account [again] because of the drama and time-sucking. Some days I wish I lived in a time without technology. I wish that when you cut ties it was a true cutting rather than today's staying connected through the internet. Or the concept of not ever having time off because of the ever-present connection bubble. I digress...

These upcoming weeks are going to be a real pain. And missing my boyfriend, that's not easy either. We'll see how this goes. For now, I take this all one step at a time, this summer of drama!

The First

I could start this post by talking about what made me decide to start a blog, but that seems redundant, overdone, and a tad absurd. Instead, I will tell about this summer, and a little earlier. 

April: 

• Notified that I had been pulled from the waitlist for a graduate program, now accepted (yay!)
• Had to decide whether or not to attend that program, with a set deadline for an answer
• Decided, "What the heck, why not?"
• Overwhelmed

May: 

• Moved all undergrad finals so I could start graduate school the week of undergrad finals (I'm insane, I know)
• Decided to break an engagement... long story
• Started the program, THEN graduated undergrad
• Overwhelmed

June:

• First month of living in this supposed "real world" they speak of-- at home, at graduate school 2 days a week and home doing homework the other 5.... Not real.
• Decided I'd start a new relationship, because that makes sense (really do care about him and appreciate that relationship, but that's irrelevant at the current moment)...
• Midterms
• "W" Day passes
• OVERWHELMED

July:

• Sudden realization of the INCREDIBLE amount of debt for a private grad school with no financial aid-- interesting how misleading pre-orientation paperwork can be
• Loans, debt, and other scary stuff
• SO......... I call up some people for advice, shoot an email, and come August, I'll be out of grad school --hell'a ride
• Now I make myself finish these exams and stuff, hoping to make it out with decent grades...
• And quick question, who assigns homework without grades attached? 
• Still somewhat overwhelmed

Next step:

Finish this semester and then enter the real, "real world" for a while until the application opens up at another school. No thanks to a life of debt from a "half-time" program that has 19 credit hours for the summer term. Yes, 19. 19! Anyway....... I can find a better deal and like it more. 

So, welcome to the blog. The insights and thoughts from a girl who broke off an engagement and dropped out of graduate school. But hey, I'm just 20, I've got tons of time.